Forgiveness starts by forgiving ourselves first.

Often, we find ourselves feeling hurt, maybe we feel that someone has reacted to us in a way that we had not believed conceivable. There is a feeling a deep hurt and distrust, because the kindness we expected was not there.  In truth, it just didn’t exist, it is our expectation that did the damage, as we were looking for something special, where nothing special existed. We stay in relationships, because we are social and want to belong.  We want to create moments where we feel happy and secure, sometimes it’s a moment of romance or a strong friendship bond.  We hold on to those initially moments and endlessly try to recreate them.   People have a way of putting on a façade, by creating masks of illusion about who they are, becoming like a chameleon to bond with you.  However, you also do the same, it is almost a kind of courtship dance.

The reality is that we are looking, we are yearning for a moment that was nothing more than a second in the millennium of time.  Very possibly an invention that we wish to believe in to, entice ourselves into a web of friendship, a connectedness.  The manipulation of ourselves!  The truth can be that if we do not look at the whole pictures, the reality of the situation, we can end up blaming the other person and believing that the time together was a waste of our life.  It’s important to be more positive about the situation and realise that the signs were always there, we just chose to ignore them.  It’s so important to take time to stand back from all our relationships and friendships, to realise that they are not a crutch in our lives.  In reality, our expectations produce a picture in our head and we are often too near-sighted to “see the wood for the trees”.  I wonder if this could be because we are not happy within ourselves and yearn for a link with some type of soul mate, someone outside who will change our lives for the better.



We create our own hurt through false desire for happiness and hope. We let ourselves down when we discover that what we saw as friendship was nothing more than the reality of those first doubts we had and of what might become. We allowed ourselves to live that lie and when our life energy is zapped from us, we blame the other person.  However, we allowed the manipulation, we wounded ourselves and lost our own pride.

The way forward is not to allow ourselves to be “involved”, but to accept that who we are is not who other people are. We cannot use our own life blueprint to see others, like fingerprints we are all different. Occasionally, a small life experience will bond us, but we must remember that is all it is, small, minuscule and of no consequence. We must not “glue” ourselves to other people, but keep our attention on our interdependence, because life experience is not certain, even the hardest rocks of the world change shape over time.  We must understand that sometimes it is our strong desire for a close personal relationship that is to blame and to forgive ourselves for that the wanting is the first step in healing.  Then we may move on and find the compassion to forgive ourselves and let go of the hurt.  Understanding that we were not compatible in that relationship or friendship is key to forgiving and letting go of past negative influences.  Understanding that other people are not books to be read or pictures for us to paint.  We need to forgive ourselves in order to forgive the other.

It is great to understand that it is we who can make the  changes to our own lives for the better, by taking the first step by making our own decisions.  Knowing that we may fail, but its alight to do so.  In relationships, respect the other person’s space and respect your own.  Take action for what you believe in.  Achieve in your own name, but don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way.  I so love the words, compassion in action and that compassion must also include ourselves.

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Green Tara Mantra

Who was Green Tara and what does she represent?  A mother, possibly born of a tear from Chenrezig or maybe she was a real princess.  The history doesn’t hugely matter, as in Buddhism we are supposed to live in the present.  We need to think of what it is that she represents in this moment of now-ness.  Her form is always as a female, the  mother of all Buddha’s, so how can we become or represent her?

Green Tara’s attributes are of  a person who is committed to being a woman, a mother figure, who’s action is through compassion and she is always ready to offer comfort and protection to those in suffering.  She is fearless and full of courage, yet has the softer side of being free from tension.  I would add, clear headed, compassionate, but impartial,  with a emotional detachment. This allows her to be level headed, thinking out of the box, kind, gentle, sweet; someone you could withdraw into in times of trouble.  There is purity in her power, the action is done selflessly, as there is nothing for her to gain, not even the need for the return of respect.


Green Tara

What help is available is both physical and spiritual.  She represents protection against physical dangers, thieves and sickness, such as a mother may do with a child.  Additionally for emotional reasons, such as dealing with jealousy, desire, attachment, hate, greed, pride,  delusion.  She is simply  there to bring us back to inner-peace, to return us to a state of ease.

Can we be this person?  A question I can’t answer, but we can try a little and then a lot.  Think of the worlds people as our own family, each with their own feelings, own lives, own paths.  Watch without involvement, with emotional detachment.  Stay clear headed and work out a clear path, but with the knowledge that not succeeding is not a failure.  Whatever the outcome, it must be accepted.  You are not expected to be omnipotent, just human, holding out a hand of respect & compassion.  Keep within you the knowledge that you cannot have expectations, no presumption that there will be any appreciation in return. The knowledge is that you give without any particular outcome, any respect, possible failure.

Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed
Alexander Pope

  OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SOHA  =  Swift heroine, she who dispels all my fears, she who fulfils all my wishes.

In the cycle of life, Tara release me from physical suffering,  the 8  fears, disease and disturbing thoughts,  so I may take relief from  my suffering and teach me to be  compassionate.  I connect and trust in you, it is not just wishful thinking.

Tara prayer flags

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Prayer Offering at the Kalachakra Temple


Prayer Offering at the Kalachakra Temple -Dharamsala, HP, India – April 21, 2016

You can find the photos that Tenzin Choejor took of this occasion on the Dalai Lama’s website


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Peace Garden

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Tibetan Peace Garden just outside Newport Gwent

We now have a vertical prayer flag in our little peace garden in Cross Keys, just outside of Newport South Wales.  Its a delight to wake up every morning and see it fluttering in our garden across the road.  A reminder to start each day with peace in our hearts.

Vertical Prayer flags

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HH Dalai Lama @ the O2 London

We had the most amazing chance to see the Dalai Lama at the 02 on the morning of 19th September.  Joining 700 Tibetans at 7am outside the venue, we waited in anticipation until the allotted time to enter and take our seats.  As he entered, all stood, young and old alike, with their offering scarves held out to welcome him.  A calm presence was felt and we all sat to listen to the talk.

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HH Dalai Lama speaking to the Tibetan community at the 02 in London Sept 2015




To mark the occasion, we have now had a flagpole erected for a vertical prayer flag.  We are just awaiting confirmation of an auspicious day on which to hang the flag.

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Nepal Earthquake Appeals

It was awful to see the news of the Nepal Earthquake and the devastation it has caused throughout a huge area.  For us it was very near to our hearts.  My daughter and I had been planning a trip to Nepal, as part of our Tibetan Dawn restocking trip, in India this April.  We had wanted to meet up with Yangdon’s grandparents and family in Kathmandu, which would have been just about the time of the earthquake.  However, due to Yangdon’s grandmother being unwell during March, we decided not to attempt Nepal this year, as we were not sure Keepa would be able to manage the journey from India.  Luckily, we have heard that the rest of the family in Katmandu have survived the destruction.

Photograph: Niranjan Shrestha/AP A Buddhist monk salvages religious items from a monastery around the famous Swayambhunath stupa after it was damaged by Saturday’s earthquake.

The number of people that have been killed and displaced in Nepal is phenomenal.  It’s just another reminder to us of a not to distant past when Ladakh had a massive mud slip, after torrential rain, with my daughter Yangdon loosing her 14-year-old cousin in the disaster

Desperately wanting to help, it took a while on the internet to find out which organisations are already working within the disaster areas.  It was important for me to find organisations that are already established and working in Nepal.  Eventually, I gave a personal donation to the Red Cross via PayPal.  The Red Cross being one of the 14 organisations that are part of the Disaster Emergency Committee (DEC).  DEC is an umbrella organisation which launches and coordinates responses to major disasters overseas.   

Joanna Lumley supports DEC Nepal Earthquake Appeal

The 14 DEC organisations are Action Aid, Age International, British Red Cross, CAFOD (Catholic Aid Agency),  CARE, Christian Aid, Concern Worldwide, Islamic Relief, Oxfam, PLAN (children’s Charity), Save the Children, Tear Fund (Christian Charity for Poverty) and World Vision.

N.B.  If you wish your money to go to the Nepal Earthquake Disaster, then make sure you choose a drop down box or state in a message box that your donation is specific to this appeal.

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In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.
— Dalai Lama

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